Spring Breakers

I've seen a lot of shitty movies in my life but Spring Breakers has to be the aboslute worst... hands down. It's about four girls (one of them is Selena Gomez) who want to go to Florida to partake in the spring break festivities. One problem though... they don't have the cash. So they rob a restaurant and head for the Sunshine State.

The Ghostmaker

Let’s see if I can help you through the storyline here. It’s a bit of a challenge seeing as the characters in this movie don’t even seem to know what is going on half the time.

A Haunted House

Found-footage horror flicks have become a parody of themselves in just a couple of years. Count on Marlon Wayans though to make a parody of a parody only to end up with one of the worst comedies ever made.

Parker

Is it just me or does someone else suffer from Stathamitis? Symptoms include a heightened sense of indifference and the inability to tell movies apart that star Jason Statham. The latest in a series of ever more indistinguishable action flicks is called Parker. Based on the main character of a series of bestselling novels by Donald E. Westlake, Parker is an anti-hero with a unique code of professional ethics who at the beginning of the movie pulls off a heist at the Ohio State Fair. Once he and his merry crew get away clean, his accomplices get greedy and leave him for dead.

The Numbers Station

John Cusack as a killer with a conscience? Didn’t I already see this one before? Oh no, wait… this is a new movie. In The Numbers Station, Cusack plays a hardened CIA agent who gets banished to a remote short-wave radio station in England after having failed to eliminate a witness during a mission.

Shadow Dancer

James Marsh isn’t exactly known for making the most accessible movies. Just think of Wisconsin Death Trip or Man On Wire. Shadow Dancer however will probably get a little more recognition thanks to the presence of Clive Owen as one of the movie’s leads.

Arbitrage

In Arbitrage, Richard Gere is a successful businessman (isn’t he in every single movie he’s in?) called Robert Miller who’s at the head of a family-owned hedge fund company that he’s trying to unload with a nice profit. He has a loving wife and a great family. In other words, it seems like he’s got it all. But seeing as that would make an extremely boring movie, things of course go wrong…

21 & Over

Just like last year’s “Project X”, this movie isn’t intended for those among us who like reading the Wall Street Journal while pondering deep thoughts about a philosophical treaty they read the day before. Nope, this one’s for those of us who still snicker over the funnies. Admittedly, The Hangover writers Jon Lucas and Scott Moore aren’t breaking any new ground here… just like with The Hangover you get a bunch of dudes having a crazy night before racing to some big event.