Movie Reviews

Texas Chainsaw 3D
submitted by
Wednesday, November 6, 2013 - 19:51
Directed by: 

Did we really need another Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie? Fuck no! But here it is anyway. For those still following the series, this one is a direct sequel to the 1974 original that doesn’t take the other sequels or the recent reboot and prequel into account.

The movie starts off with a series of highlights from the original and then dives headfirst into the action with the police and a bunch of trigger-happy locals showing up at the house of Leatherface and his sadistic family. Things quickly turn into a shootout that ends with everyone dead and the lynch mob burning down the house. But did everyone really die? Of course not, otherwise this would be an extremely short horror flick.

Flash-forward to the present where Heather (Alexandra Daddario) finds out she’s adopted and has inherited a house from a grandmother she never knew she had. Logically, she immediately heads off for the house with her boyfriend, her best friend and her friend’s boyfriend (played by Clint Eastwood’s son, Scott). And a hitchhiker. We quickly learn that the hitchhiker is a douchebag, Heather’s boyfriend is cheating on her and her female friend is a slut. Oh, and we also find out that Leatherface has been living in the basement all those years.

Nevermind the fact that the original movie took place in 1973, making Heather the best-looking 40-year-old I have ever seen, there are a lot of things that are worse about this John Luessenhop-directed debacle. It’s predictable as hell, there’s some really bad acting going on and you have absolutely no connection with any of the characters (I was actually rooting for Leatherface to kill them all, preferably in 30 minutes or less). There is a lot of gore however which I guess makes it at least a little more tolerable.

The movie is shot in 3D but seeing as I don’t have a 3D Blu-ray player, I can’t tell you if the effects add anything to the movie. Looking at the rest of the movie, I think it’s a safe bet to say that no, it doesn’t contribute anything. But hey, at least it’s not the worst movie in the franchise… that honor will always be reserved for “The Return Of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” with a very young Renée Zellweger and Matthew McConaughey.