Movie Reviews

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Sunday, March 30, 2014 - 10:02
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From the man who has previously brought us the delightfully intimate Dungeons & Dragons, comes Getaway. This is essentially an 89-minute car chase with lots of cr crashes, but the only real carnage in this PG-13 rated piece of shit is the movie itself.

Let me lay out the story… don’t worry, this won’t take up much of your time. A bad guy (Jon Voight) has kidnapped Ethan Hawke’s wife and says that if he ever wants to see her again, he has to get in a car and drive really fast. That car has been outfitted with cameras so the bad guy can keep an eye on Hawke. Selena Gomez then shows up in a hoodie looking like a real badass and waves a gun at Hawke because it’s actually her car. She gets in the car with Hawke and they stay in there until the end of the movie. Okay, they get out once or twice. First they argue a lot, then they bond. And all the while they are driving really fast, evading, ramming, swerving and making other cars crash into each other.

I don’t know what director Courtney Solomon or writers Sean Finegan and Gregg Maxwell Parker had in mind exactly but other than people with a weird car fetish, no one is going to enjoy this one. If you do still want to watch Getaway, simply look up the trailer and save yourself the other 87 minutes. After all, it’s just more of the same. Jon Voight is the only smart one involved with this movie because we hear him, but we don’t actually get to see him. It’s called plausible deniability. Smart one, Voight!