Once upon a time there was a Finnish band who proudly declared they played something called love metal. That’s why they had a logo called a heartagram. Get it? Cause it's kinda metal but it has a heart in it. Genius! They were called His Infernal Majesty (scary!) but shortened it to HIM (less scary!). As luck would have it, they scored a hit with “Join Me” which got them a lot of undeserved attention and annoyed the shit out of me. But that was 13 years ago. Surely they’re not still doing the same thing?

Well yes, they are. “Tears On Tape” is filled with Ville Valo’s ridiculously cheesy and over the top touchy feely vocal lines that are wrapped in the kind of cringeworthy ‘metal’ that’s usually reserved for the more adventurous acts at the Eurosong festival. The only person I’m aware of being brave enough to admit he’s a fan, was Jackass’ Bam Margera and just like that guy’s career, HIM’s 15 minutes of fame were over a long time ago. Unfortunately someone forgot to tell them that, something that has now been corrected. You’re welcome.