Hey, we like Code Orange as much as the next person! Unfortunately we asked Waldorf & Statler to review “I Am King”. Here’s what we got from these two professional grouches!

After seeing the album cover:

– So today we’re listening to the new Code Orange, “I Am King”

– I am King? King Kong? The company that made Candy Crush?

After having heard opening track “I Am King”:

– I imagine this is what Converge sounds like when they are drunk.

– This is what everybody sounds like when they are drunk.

Halfway through “Unclean Spirit”:

– They were cooler when they were still Kids.

– Like, Code Orange Kids?

– No, just kids. In diapers. Before they started making this racket.

While looking further down the tracklisting:

– Look, there’s a song called “Your Body Is Ready…”

– They forgot “… to convulse, collapse, curl up and wish it could be anywhere else”

During “Thinners Of The Herd”:

– Ouch

– What’s wrong?

– It’s either this album or indigestion. I hope it’s indigestion.

– Why?

– Because then it’ll get better in a little while.

Just after the start of “Mercy”:

– I like this song the best out of all of them.

– Oh yeah? Why’s that?

– Because it’s the last one.