How stupid can I be? I mean, it says so right there on the cover. Warning: do not open. Yet I went ahead and did so anyway. As a result, I wasted 109 minutes of my life watching Annabelle 2: Creation.
When she was first introduced in 2013’s The Conjuring, Annabelle was nothing more than a sidenote in a movie that already had plenty of scares. Next, the demonic doll got her own movie and made it very obvious that she didn’t have what it takes. Surer, she has the creepy eyes, smile and pigtails and you know, a demon inside of her. But let’s face it… Annabelle is no Chucky. So naturally they went ahead and made a sequel.
The setup for this one is actually kinda promising. A couple of years after their daughter died, a dollmaker and his wife (who spends her days in bed wearing a Phantom of the Opera-style mask for reasons later explained) take in a group of young orphan girls and a nun who have recently been evicted from their home. It doesn’t take very long until doors start creaking, things open and close on their own accord, old record players mysteriously start playing old-time tunes and people go into places they have been told not to go into. In other words, director David F. Sandberg throws every single horror movie cliché at the wall and hope at least something will stick. That probably also explains why he can’t seem to decide on whether it’s the couple’s dead daughter, her doll or a random scarecrow that should do the haunting.
Unfortunately nothing really sticks and in spite of the promising setup and some early jump scares, the most scary thing about Annabelle 2: Creation is just how incredibly bland it is. But hey, at least we know where Annabelle came from. That has to count for something, right? Right?
Oh, and in case you didn’t know yet… there will be yet another Conjuring spinoff coming our way in July 2018 in the form of The Nun. Fingers crossed that it will be better than this one.